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My family is not what I imagined, but it's so wonderful." As Jacob tugged on her necklace, Lianne added: "I am so grateful for this little guy, and for Mark, and to have been able to maintain a Jewish household as my parents did and their parents did." Earlier today, Pew Research released A Portrait of American Jewry, the first study of American Jewish life in over 10 years.It seems love and marriage are more elusive than ever before for Jewish women and men in America.But I have heard from my Jewish friends, both men and women, that as they near or pass age 40, they are less inclined to exclusively marry a Jew, even if they had always planned to.Sara, 41, is an entrepreneur who began dating non-Jewish men in her late thirties.Feminist values, they point out, do not preclude reacting with temperance and emotional independence to an initial attraction (on the part of a woman).They also cite that discipline and consideration inform the actions which create egalitarian relationships. In 2001 the follow-up book The Rules for Marriage: Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work was released in the midst of Fein's legal separation from her husband to whom she had been married for sixteen years.

In The Rules II: More Rules to Live and Love By, published in 1997, Fein and Schneider proclaim, "If he doesn't call, he's not that interested. Her argument was that after having written a best seller and raising two children, she and her husband discovered they were two different people from the young couple that fell in love.

And like me, as Lianne reached her late thirties, still single and childless, she began to reconsider her more observant lifestyle when she found fewer men who were not put off by her career as a successful internist and/or men she found at her level of sophistication and worldliness.

She began to date non-observant Jewish men, dipping a toe in here and there, until, like me, she realized that secular Jewish men who wanted to marry Jewish women wanted to marry Jewish women who would eat in non-kosher restaurants and go out before the sunset on Saturday nights after the Sabbath ended.

Lianne, 41, took Jacob, her 4-month-old baby, out of his stroller and held him in her arms as we sat down for coffee on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

She and her husband, Mark, conceived Jacob just weeks after they were married about a year ago.

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