Advice for men on dating

Men often define these women along evolutionary psychology lines—women who are sexually-selective, faithful, physically attractive, and have a pleasant, respectful disposition (for more on these qualities, see Buss, 2003 and my own articles here and here).

Unfortunately, these qualities are again part of women's double bind, with social norms sometimes guiding them away from these biologically feminine characteristics.

Overall, they report that there is often little incentive for men to date and even less for them to consider long-term commitments.

In a previous article, I put forward the notion that individuals were not "afraid" to date—rather they simply did not have sufficient incentive to do so (see here).

However, these men are often punished by being socially labeled as "jerks", "players", or even "creeps", unfit for socially-defined relationships.

In that article, I explained my hypothesis that women are stuck in a double-bind between what they are told through modern social norms and their own biological motivation.When punishments weight more heavily, people avoid those same behaviors.Essentially, many men report that they find modern dating a primarily punishing affair.So, until a new equilibrium is reached in these evolving social norms, men have difficult choices to make.Essentially, they seem to have to either appease social norms (for relationships and acceptance) or evolved standards of attractiveness (and get sexual fulfillment).

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Furthermore, they do so in a situation where women's own social instruction may reduce the very characteristics that many of these men desire.

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